A Brief Summary

The lyrics for Shakira’s “She Wolf” are...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:38:58 -0400

The lyrics for Shakira’s “She Wolf” are fucking nuts.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/she-wolf-lyrics-shakira.html

It’s like if The Tales of Beedle The Bard had a threesome with Janet Jackson’s “What Have You Done For Me Lately” and a Babelfish translation (ex: To locate the single men I got on me a special radar)

Goodness, I am clever.

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:28:04 -0400

“Shakira, Shakira”

-Shakira

I can’t be the first one to come up with this.

Choosing the right time, place

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 14:48:41 -0400

This is a public service announcement; DON’T POOP AND SMOKE AT THE SAME TIME!

Although the idea of pooping and having a cigarette are two seemingly compatible notions, they are not. Apparently, you can get hemorrhoids that way. I would also like to make it clear that this advice is not coming from personal experience.

For whatever reason, Isabella Rossellini is giving the world a...

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 17:10:13 -0400

For whatever reason, Isabella Rossellini is giving the world a gift.

Oh, Pink. You have captured my heart. Cary Hart should either...

Thu, 07 May 2009 22:56:00 -0400

Oh, Pink. You have captured my heart. Cary Hart should either take you back immediately or get a restraining order.

Well, I’m done. Nothing will ever compare. This video had...

Thu, 07 May 2009 20:14:00 -0400

Well, I’m done. Nothing will ever compare. This video had the perfect balance of terrible shit and awesome shit.

Awesome:

1) The Girlfriend-esqe nature of this vid. (See this). What?! The nerdy girl gets the dude? Role reversal!

2) The Drive Me Crazy-esque nature of this vid. (Sidenote: Having a window across from someone in your high school would have sucked when you were 15. I sure as hell was not interested in having some cutie watch me dance around my room/play dress-up late at night)

3)Her tight glasses that don’t, in 2009, actually made her a nerd.

Terrible:

1) Motherfucker closes his blinds when it is clear that she intended to write more. She was bent over the paper! That guy’s a jerk.

2) If the other girl is such a bitch, why did she hit on the dude who DIDN”T make a touchdown? That makes no sense.

3) More evidence that blonde guy is a chump: dumping your slutty girlfriend at the prom? C’mon dude. Your actions inevitably resulted in the ever-present “girl crying in the bathroom” sitch at every high school dance. You aren’t just hurting her; you have ruined the night of her two best friends who have to hand her tissues under the stall door.

4) Tay’s bedazzled prom dress.

beckynotrebecca:

Taylor Swift: You Belong With Me

T-Swift, are you a hipster? Are you a nerd? Do you want to come hang out with me in Logan Square? Because I totally want to be friends with you. But, I mean, it’s your call and whatever.

I hope they choke on it

Mon, 27 Apr 2009 03:29:25 -0400

I just put myself through a 3 minute “Overture” to a movie, in which music played while the word “Overture” sat on the screen. Nothing else. No credits, scrolling text, nothing. This kind of shit should be criminal.

Holy poop, this is heartbreaking. 5 minutes later FUCK! I posted...

Sun, 12 Apr 2009 19:55:00 -0400

Holy poop, this is heartbreaking.

5 minutes later

FUCK! I posted without watching the whole thing. Now that I’ve watched it, here is a courtesy warning: She starts out sad, and then gets super-duper extra sexy. I unfortunately just got a lady-boner from a fucking 15 year old. FUCK YOU, DISNEY!!

You know, I’ve been having a less than stellar week...

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 18:37:00 -0400

You know, I’ve been having a less than stellar week (month), but at least my friends have never filmed me having a meltdown. Thanks, you guys!

molls:

oh wow!

That was weird AND painful

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 02:44:48 -0400

Let’s talk about my night, shall we? I went over to my brother’s apartment on account of he wanted me to meet one of his girlfriends. This is how the meeting should have gone:

Me: Hi. It’s nice to meet you. I think it’s gross that you’re boning my bro, but whateves. You seem like a nice person.

Her: It’s nice to meet you as well. Seeing that you are blood-related to this dude I’m fucking, I’m going to be extra special nice to you and hope I make I good impression.

This is what actually happened. She bit me. Four times. I now have four teeth shaped bruises. Not just bite marks, but bruises. It was kinda funny the first time, but my amusement we down proportionally to the amount of times this stranger decided to attach her mouth to my body. I think it is safe to say that lines were crossed tonight.

Tonight, my parents took me out to dinner and I proceeded to get...

Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:24:24 -0400

Tonight, my parents took me out to dinner and I proceeded to get much, much drunker than is necessary OR acceptable when you are out with your units. But, you know, my mom dared me. So, maybe it’s that. But this video is UNBELIEVABLE. I’m going to spend at least the next twenty minutes sipping water and watching this.

betelnut:

Keri Hilson - Knock You Down (Feat. Kanye West & Ne-Yo)

How the hell was I not going to post this? Kanye and Ne-Yo in the same track and same music video?! I am writing Keri Hilson a thank you note right now.

NOTHING COULD EVER MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN OWNING THIS

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:05:46 -0400

NOTHING COULD EVER MAKE ME HAPPIER THAN OWNING THIS

You know how sometimes you can fall in love with fictional...

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 02:07:57 -0400

You know how sometimes you can fall in love with fictional characters and sort of imagine yourself a perfect little relationship with said made-up person and be okay with it because you know it’s fake? Like it’s alright that you have kinda gone nuts for this person because they exist only in imagination-land? Well, now I’m in love with Hannah Bailey. The problem here is that this is a real-life person, who exists in the real world. Now, I’m imagining this ridiculous relationship with a not pretend person, which means I’ve gone off the deep-end for not pretend. This is Def Con 5 weirdo behavior.

The fact that I can barely relate to this video makes me pretty...

Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:44:03 -0500

The fact that I can barely relate to this video makes me pretty uncomfortable about the old teenage years. Take from that what you will.

Breaking news: they may be remaking The Neverending Story,...

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 02:34:37 -0500

Breaking news: they may be remaking The Neverending Story, leaving me the (probably) only person who is genuinely supportive of this idea. My reasoning? Falcor, iconic though he may be, is a creepy looking motherfucker. For serious. I want some new-millenium technology up in this bitch.

Kelly Clarkson - I Do Not Hook Up She’s not that kind of...

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 00:23:48 -0500

Kelly Clarkson - I Do Not Hook Up

She’s not that kind of girl.

Kelly Clarkson’s back with a jam! I’ve been waiting...

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 23:32:31 -0500

Kelly Clarkson’s back with a jam! I’ve been waiting so long for this.

Also, fuck you “Embedding disabled by request”. That shit sucks.

This song is so tight-ish. beckynotrebecca: Soulja Boy (ft....

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 22:13:56 -0500

This song is so tight-ish.

beckynotrebecca:

Soulja Boy (ft. Sammie): Kiss Me Thru The Phone

I literally laughed out loud (lol’d irl, if you will) when I heard this on the radio earlier. But then I kept listening. Because, you know, whatever.

When I was in high school, I LOVED this band (I didn’t...

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:23:47 -0500

When I was in high school, I LOVED this band (I didn’t know how else to express my love other than bold/italic/capitalizing the word “love”. I like to think that formating has helped explain the depth of feeling involved here).

As pure as this love is, I have to admit that 1) listening to a bunch of political shit when you are 15 doesn’t exactly help with the whole “not being total asshole when you are 15” thing (no teenager should be that into the Kyoto Protocol) and 2) having realized and been ashamed of my fervent hatred of “the man”, I can’t listen to this anymore without cringing a little bit.

If this video was made today, it would be way, way tighter. Even...

Thu, 26 Feb 2009 04:53:06 -0500

If this video was made today, it would be way, way tighter. Even still, I can’t help but like it.