A Brief Summary RSS

Archive

Aug
18th
Tue
permalink

The lyrics for Shakira’s “She Wolf” are fucking nuts.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/she-wolf-lyrics-shakira.html

It’s like if The Tales of Beedle The Bard had a threesome with Janet Jackson’s “What Have You Done For Me Lately” and a Babelfish translation (ex: To locate the single men I got on me a special radar)

Comments (View)
permalink

Goodness, I am clever.

“Shakira, Shakira”

-Shakira

I can’t be the first one to come up with this.

Comments (View)
Jun
20th
Sat
permalink

Choosing the right time, place

This is a public service announcement; DON’T POOP AND SMOKE AT THE SAME TIME!

Although the idea of pooping and having a cigarette are two seemingly compatible notions, they are not. Apparently, you can get hemorrhoids that way. I would also like to make it clear that this advice is not coming from personal experience.

Comments (View)
Jun
13th
Sat
permalink

For whatever reason, Isabella Rossellini is giving the world a gift.

Comments (View)
May
7th
Thu
permalink

Oh, Pink. You have captured my heart. Cary Hart should either take you back immediately or get a restraining order.

Comments (View)
permalink

Well, I’m done. Nothing will ever compare. This video had the perfect balance of terrible shit and awesome shit.

Awesome:

1) The Girlfriend-esqe nature of this vid.  (See this). What?! The nerdy girl gets the dude? Role reversal!

2) The Drive Me Crazy-esque nature of this vid. (Sidenote: Having a window across from someone in your high school would have sucked when you were 15. I sure as hell was not interested in having some cutie watch me dance around my room/play dress-up late at night)

3)Her tight glasses that don’t, in 2009, actually made her a nerd.

Terrible:

1) Motherfucker closes his blinds when it is clear that she intended to write more. She was bent over the paper! That guy’s a jerk.

2) If the other girl is such a bitch, why did she hit on the dude who DIDN”T make a touchdown? That makes no sense.

3) More evidence that blonde guy is a chump: dumping your slutty girlfriend at the prom? C’mon dude. Your actions inevitably resulted in the ever-present “girl crying in the bathroom” sitch at every high school dance. You aren’t just hurting her; you have ruined the night of her two best friends who have to hand her tissues under the stall door.

4) Tay’s bedazzled prom dress.

beckynotrebecca:

Taylor Swift: You Belong With Me

T-Swift, are you a hipster? Are you a nerd? Do you want to come hang out with me in Logan Square? Because I totally want to be friends with you. But, I mean, it’s your call and whatever.

Comments (View)
Apr
27th
Mon
permalink

I hope they choke on it

I just put myself through a 3 minute “Overture” to a movie, in which music played while the word “Overture” sat on the screen. Nothing else. No credits, scrolling text, nothing. This kind of shit should be criminal.

Comments (View)
Apr
12th
Sun
permalink

Holy poop, this is heartbreaking.

5 minutes later

FUCK! I posted without watching the whole thing. Now that I’ve watched it, here is a courtesy warning: She starts out sad, and then gets super-duper extra sexy. I unfortunately just got a lady-boner from a fucking 15 year old. FUCK YOU, DISNEY!!

Comments (View)
Apr
4th
Sat
permalink

You know, I’ve been having a less than stellar week (month), but at least my friends have never filmed me having a meltdown. Thanks, you guys!

molls:

oh wow!
Comments (View)
Mar
27th
Fri
permalink

That was weird AND painful

Let’s talk about my night, shall we? I went over to my brother’s apartment on account of he wanted me to meet one of his girlfriends. This is how the meeting should have gone:

Me: Hi. It’s nice to meet you. I think it’s gross that you’re boning my bro, but whateves. You seem like a nice person.

Her: It’s nice to meet you as well. Seeing that you are blood-related to this dude I’m fucking, I’m going to be extra special nice to you and hope I make I good impression.

This is what actually happened. She bit me. Four times. I now have four teeth shaped bruises. Not just bite marks, but bruises. It was kinda funny the first time, but my amusement we down proportionally to the amount of times this stranger decided to attach her mouth to my body. I think it is safe to say that lines were crossed tonight.

Comments (View)